At what age should kids be on social media? Should they be on it at all? If they aren't, will they be social pariahs? Should parents monitor their conversations? Do parental controls work?
Navigating social media as a parent 鈥 not to mention a child 鈥 is not easy. Using social media platforms is still the default for most American teenagers, with the Pew Research Center reporting that 58% of teens are daily users of TikTok, including 17% who describe their TikTok use as almost constant. About half of teens use Snapchat and Instagram daily, with near-constant use at 14% and 8% for each, respectively.
But parents 鈥 and even some teens themselves 鈥 are growing increasingly concerned about the effects of social media use on young people. Lawmakers have taken notice and have held multiple congressional hearings on child online safety. But even with apparent bipartisan unity, making laws and regulating companies takes time. So far, no regulation has passed.
What are parents 鈥 and teens 鈥 supposed to do in the meantime? Here are some tips on staying safe, communicating and setting limits on social media 鈥 for kids as well as their parents.
IS 13 THE MAGIC AGE FOR SOCIAL MEDIA?
There鈥檚 already, technically, a rule that prohibits kids under 13 from using platforms that advertise to them without parental consent: The Children鈥檚 Online Privacy Protection Act that went into effect in 2000, before today鈥檚 teenagers were even born.
The goal was to protect kids鈥 online privacy by requiring websites and online services to disclose clear privacy policies and get parents鈥 consent before gathering personal information on their kids, among other things. To comply, social media companies have generally banned kids under 13 from signing up for their services.
But times have changed, and online privacy is no longer the only concern when it comes to kids being online. There鈥檚 bullying, harassment, the risk of developing eating disorders, suicidal thoughts or worse.
For years, there has been a push among parents, educators and tech experts to wait to give children phones 鈥 and access to social media 鈥 until they are older, such as the 鈥淲ait Until 8th鈥 pledge that has parents sign a pledge not to give their kids a smartphone until the 8th grade, or about age 13 or 14. Some wait even later, like 16 or 17.
But neither social media companies nor the government have done anything concrete to increase the age limit.
IF THE LAW WON鈥橳 BAN KIDS, SHOULD PARENTS?
鈥淭here is not necessarily a magical age,鈥 said Christine Elgersma, a social media expert at the nonprofit Common Sense Media. But, she added, 鈥13 is probably not the best age for kids to get on social media.鈥
The laws currently being proposed include blanket bans on the under-13 set when it comes to social media. The problem? There鈥檚 no easy way to verify a person鈥檚 age when they sign up for apps and online services. And the apps popular with teens today were created for adults first. Companies have added some safeguards over the years, Elgersma noted, but these are piecemeal changes, not fundamental rethinks of the services.
鈥淒evelopers need to start building apps with kids in mind,鈥 she said.
Some tech executives, celebrities such as and parents from all walks of life have resorted to . While the decision is a personal one that depends on each child and parent, some experts say this could lead to isolating kids, who could be left out of activities and discussions with friends that take place on social media or chat services.
Another hurdle 鈥 kids who have never been on social media may find themselves ill-equipped to navigate the platforms when they are suddenly allowed free rein the day they turn 18.
TALK, TALK, TALK
A more realistic and effective approach to social media, experts say, that gives children the tools and information they need to navigate a world in which places like TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat are almost impossible to escape.
鈥淵ou cannot just expect that the kids will jump into the world of social media, learn how to swim on their own,鈥 said Natalie Bazarova, a professor of communications and director of the Cornell Social Media Lab. 鈥淭hey need to have instruction.鈥
Start early, earlier than you think. Elgersma suggests that parents go through their own social media feeds with their children before they are old enough to be online and have open discussions on what they see. How would your child handle a situation where a friend of a friend asks them to send a photo? Or if they see an article that makes them so angry they just want to share it right away?
For older kids, Elgersma says to approach them with curiosity and interest, "asking about what their friends are doing or just not asking direct questions like, 鈥榃hat are you doing on Instagram?鈥 but rather, 鈥楬ey, I heard this influencer is really popular.'鈥 And even if your kid rolled their eyes it could be a window.鈥
Don鈥檛 say things like 鈥淭urn that thing off!鈥 when your kid has been scrolling for a long time, says Jean Rogers, the director of the nonprofit Fairplay鈥檚 Screen Time Action Network.
鈥淭hat鈥檚 not respectful,鈥 Rogers said. 鈥淚t doesn鈥檛 respect that they have a whole life and a whole world in that device.鈥
Instead, Rogers suggests asking them questions about what they do on their phone, and see what your child is willing to share.
Kids are also likely to respond to parents and educators and the sometimes insidious tools companies use to keep people online and engaged, Elgersma said. Watch a documentary like 鈥淭he Social Dilemma鈥 that explores algorithms, dark patterns and dopamine feedback cycles of social media. Or read up with them how Facebook and TikTok make money.
鈥淜ids love to be in the know about these things, and it will give them a sense of power,鈥 she said.
SETTING LIMITS
Rogers says most parents have success with taking their kids鈥 phones overnight to limit their scrolling. Occasionally kids might try to sneak the phone back, but it鈥檚 a strategy that tends to work because kids need a break from the screen.
鈥淭hey need to an excuse with their peers to not be on their phone at night,鈥 Rogers said. 鈥淭hey can blame their parents.鈥
Parents may need their own limits on phone use. Rogers said it鈥檚 helpful to explain what you are doing when you do have a phone in hand around your child so they understand you are not aimlessly scrolling through sites like Instagram. Tell your child that you鈥檙e checking work email, looking up a recipe for dinner or paying a bill so they understand you鈥檙e not on there just for fun. Then tell them when you plan to put the phone down.
WHAT ABOUT PARENTAL CONTROLS?
Social media platforms that cater to children have added an ever-growing array of parental controls as they face increasing scrutiny over child safety. For instance, Meta has tools that allow parents set time limits, see who their kid follows or is followed by, and allows them to track how much time the minor spends on Instagram. The company also implemented new to protect children's privacy for anyone under 18.
Such features can be useful for families in which parents are already involved in their child鈥檚 online life and activities. But experts say that鈥檚 not the reality for many people.
U.S. Surgeon General Vivek it鈥檚 unfair to expect parents to manage what their children do with rapidly evolving technology that 鈥渇undamentally changes how their kids think about themselves, how they build friendships, how they experience the world 鈥 and technology, by the way, that prior generations never had to manage."
Putting all of that on the shoulders of parents, he said, "is just simply not fair.鈥
